Once More Into the Breach
(Originally published on Snarke.net on 1/14/2024)
Buckle up, buttercups. Stuff is about to get very very real. The first Iowa primary election* is tomorrow and then we’re off to the proverbial races. I’m not ready. I don’t think any of us is ready.
For the last three years I’ve kept only the smallest of tabs on Trump and his ilk. Mostly I’ve limited myself to the clips I see on Political Tik Tok (Polititok?) and other social media. After covering that douchebag so closely for five years, I needed the break.
Originally, I intended to cover the Biden administration just as closely. But you know what? When you don’t have to worry that your President will nuke another country because it’s leader also wore a red tie that day (or something equally as stupid), a short break turns into a long one.**
However, since we’re less than 24 away from the first (totally predictable) primary, I decided it was time to re-familiarize myself with Trump’s *rhetoric” and read the transcript of one of his recent speeches.
Y’all.
Y’ALL.
I was not prepared.
Look, I’ve watched a lot of Trump’s speeches and interviews. I know he’s allergic to the teleprompter. I know that he will spend looooooooong stretches of time waxing Trumpetic about any number of bananapants conspiracies that are on his mind. I was prepared for ranting about the DOJ. I was prepared for him to insist that he is the greatest human to have ever lived in the history of the universe forever and ever amen….er, aTrump. I was prepared for the “Biden is the ACTUAL DEVIL” bluster.
Or, at least, I thought I was.
Maybe it’s just that I’m out of practice and my shields were down. Whatever it was, y’all. I’m pretty sure I got dumber just from reading that transcript. I could practically feel knowledge and reason dripping out of my ears.
This is going to be a long LONG year. I better start beefing up.
*What does that mean, the first Iowa primary election? It turns out that Iowa’s political parties have different primary election dates. The Republicans are going first, on January 15. The Democrats won’t have their Iowa primary until the beginning of March. Why does Iowa get to have half of its primary so early? I’m not exactly sure, but I’d be willing to bet that there was some sort of shenaniganry going on behind the scenes. I’ll get back to y’all.
**Oops.
